my soul is oftentimes a BATTLEFIELD, upon which my REASON and my JUDGMENT wage war against PASSION and APPETITE.
my reason and my passion are the rudder and the sails of my sea-faring soul.
if either my rudder or my sails be broken, i can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.
so I LET MY SOUL exalt my reason to the height of passion - that it may sing
for how could i let passion alone rule my reason? they are my two INSEPARABLE guests.
i could not honour one above the other, nor consider the first less than the latter.
although in my SANITY i could be oblivious that my heart has its wants and needs;
in my FOLLY, on the otherhand, i could forget that an unattended passion is a fire of destruction.
but how could i stay steadfast and unperturbed? who is wise enough and NOT burn inside?
why strain for ABSOLUTE balance when sages and scholars fail? i too, should REST in reason and MOVE in passion.
- as inspired by "On Reason and Passion"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Direct your passion WITH reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and LIKE THE PHOENIX RISE ABOVE ITS OWN ASHES." ~ Kahlil Gibran
My heart's been anguished, It's torn amongst - choices, crossroads, constraints... Full of uncertainties. It's like walking on an ice bridge, or on broken glass. Hazy may the future be, But I must keep going. 'Tis imperative, no option to stay put, or worse, to turn back. But what time is it? which time, rather??? How could I tell it's time to gather stones, or to scatter them away? to embrace or to refrain? to mend or let the tear stay as it is? I am afraid those soft voices have died. How I nurtured them for years. They were all mine to give. And the violets, the roses... They long have died. It's not even your soft voice that I don't want to die because I doubt if they are ever there. It's the soft voices within me... they are screaming to be rescued. Are you that deaf or aren't you just able to feel them? Or maybe you'd feel them, their absence... when they are... but dead?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "music, when soft voices die, vibrates in the memory -
odours, when sweet violets sicken, live within the sense they quicken.
rose leaves, when the rose is dead, are heaped for the beloved's bed;
and so thy thoughts, when thou art gone, love itself shall slumber on." (percy bysshe shelley) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
how do you keep the music playing? how do you make it last? how do you keep the song from fading too fast? how do you lose yourself to someone? and never lose your ways... i know the way i feel for you it's now or never the more i love the more that i'm afraid that in your eyes i may not see forever... (lyrics, how do you keep the music playing...)
have you ever heard a broken record playing? or have you ever experienced flipping the pages only to find out that the next is the same with the previous one? where could one ever find a merry-go-round that changed its course? never! .... the record keeps playing, the pages flipping... and the rides round and round and round...
the icy touch of madame winter seemed to depart early.... the hyacinths are now attempting to bud, birds chirping - welcoming spring's comfortable embrace, and soon that oh-so-longed-for warmth that only summer could bring, but would soon fade to the cruel shadows of fall ... old memories go, new ones have to be made, but still i've no idea what the future holds. i wanted to create another story, so i wanted to give this present one a great ending. but the harder i strain to find the right words, the more i find myself going in circles.... so i decided to let the record play by itself, place down my pen, fold my arms, and just let the ride go round and round.....
anyway, as the clock keeps ticking... time will tell...
"i went shopping for a happy ending. i couldn't find one so i might just buy a new beginning."
TIME is too SLOW for those who WAIT, too SWIFT for those who FEAR, too LONG for those who GRIEVE, too SHORT for those who REJOICE, but for those who LOVE, time is ETERNITY ~ Henry Van Dyke
to you my friends:
i wish that you see TIME as ETERNITY ... not only today, but always . . .
How do you speak your love, oh beloved? I beseech you as I can not fathom the depth of your being. Is it love when the world seems to stand still as I LOOK deeper into your eyes? Or is it the WORDS that you utter softly into my ears and are promptly drifted into my heart? Is it the RICHES of your entity that overwhelm my very own soul? Or is it the gladness of your TOUCH that seeps into each and every inch of my flesh? Or is it the gentleness of your ACTIONS that spins me into waves of endless rhapsody?? Tell me, oh beloved, and I would fall faint into your arms, in my lips the smile of sweet surrender.
~Eloise~ 25 jan '07 inspired by Gary Chapman's Five Languages of Love
and Kahlil Gibran's On Love
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (excerpts from Kahlil Gibran's ON LOVE)
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor....
INTO THE SEASONLESS WORLD WHERE YOU SHALL LAUGH, BUT NOT ALL OF YOUR LAUGHTER, AND WEEP, BUT NOT ALL OF YOUR TEARS.
Love GIVES naught but itself and TAKES naught but from itself.
Love possesses NOT, NOR would it be possessed;
FOR LOVE IS SUFFICIENT UNTO LOVE.
And think not you can direct the course of love, FOR LOVE, if it finds you worthy, DIRECTS YOUR COURSE.
LOVE HAS NO OTHER DESIRE BUT TO FULFIL ITSELF.
But if you love and must needs have desires, LET THESE BE YOUR DESIRES:
TO MELT and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
TO know the PAIN of too much tenderness.
TO be WOUNDED by your own understanding of love;
And TO BLEED willingly and joyfully.
TO wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
TO rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
TO return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then TO SLEEP WITH A PRAYER IN YOUR HEART AND A SONG OF PRAISE UPON YOUR LIPS.
The fountains mingle with the river And the rivers with the ocean, The winds of Heaven mix for ever With a sweet emotion; Nothing in the world is single, All things by a law divine In one spirit meet and mingle - Why not I with thine?
See the mountains kiss high Heaven And the waves clasp one another; No sister-flower would be forgiven If it disdained its brother; And the sunlight clasps the earth, And the moonbeams kiss the sea - What are all these kissings worth If thou kiss not me?
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
oh love's philosophy, you have tickled the essence out of me.
if i only have shelley's capability, hear ye, hear ye, please let it be.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
if i could only control the fates... if i could only pull one place and set it next to the other... if i could only hasten the time... or prolong it... or turn back its hands... then that would be easier. if all these "if onlys" would be realities, then sleeping in your arms when the snow starts falling would surely be the sweetest slumber of all... timely enough to wake up when the flowers start to bloom... frolicking when the sun is shining its brightest, the skies its bluest... till the leaves turn brown, leave the tree tops and nestle on the ground. by then you welcome me back into your arms to sleep and the snow starts to fall again... ah, when will i ever stop dreaming? no, not at all... if dreaming is the only way for me to be with you then i would choose to keep dreaming... even if means i have to dream my whole life through
eloise 7 january 2007- as inspired by Ihrene dear and PBShelley :)
November last year was disastrous for my friend. She went shopping in Kalverstraat - the busiest shopping street in the center of Amsterdam. With her hands busy carrying her new stuffs, she was just shocked to realize that she could no longer find her bag. She didn't tell me how much money was there but she did mention that she just got paid - and in cash. I can understand why she lamented for 3 days.
A good friend of mine told me yesterday that her boyfriend's wallet was stolen while they had the New Year's night out at the Amsterdam Royal Palace's grounds. Happy New Year's lesson friend P! *hihihi, sorry* You should have listened to what your girlfriend told you. We women can be smarter than you guys know, mwehehehe.
That reminded me of one incident in january 2005 while I just got back from my trip to Groningen. I secured my leather back-pack between me and the wall of the tram on my way to work from Amsterdam Central Station, when, while brushing my hair, I noticed a hand from the back of my seat. Gaat-ver! Imagine, the back rest is high, yet that bloody man dared to reach for my wallet and my digital camera inside my open bag. Had I daggers in my eyes I could have killed him with how I looked at him yelling "Wat doe je?" He shamefully replied "Sorry hoor maar dat was toevallig!" (Oh I'm sorry but that was accidental) and went out right away since we were at the halte. I was burning with anger feeling violated but at the same time I wanted to laugh at his lame reason, and the scared look on his face. Gosh! Now I laugh at the thought of it. Lesson learned.
This further brought me to remember an unforgettable noble job I did more than 5 years ago. (yeah noble, that my dad declared I was the day's heroine - guys, the lady hero I mean and not the addictive narcotic, okay?) We were in a crowd at downtown Cebu City - Colon St. corner J. Osmena Avenue to be exact, when a well-dressed man stood on the left of an elderly lady. My dad and I were behind them. Then I noticed that the man's left hand crossed to his right towards the lady's side pocket. Few weeks before that I myself was a pickpocket victim which costed me my newly-bought expensive mobile and my passport causing the delay of my MVV visa. So I felt I needed to do something. I knew I could not scream because these parasites could be working by team. Quick-thinking told me to push the woman away from the man. And so I did, saying "Madame, how are you? It's been years since we last met. Remember I'm Mary, and we were neighbors in Labangon before!" (good heavens, I have never lived in Labangon) She of course felt strange. I continued my act (yehey, OSCARS where's my award?) and was supported by my dad- "Maybe she could not remember you." The man looked at me with anger and fear. My heart seemed to beat in my head. I felt choked by my own breathing. The light went green, so we crossed the street. The bloody monger took a jeepney (a jeepney is that ubiquitous public transportation in the Philippines) immediately giving me the same looks. Who the hell would care? I accomplished my mission. Then and only then I explained to the elderly lady what really happened. She was so grateful because she had loads of cash in that left pocket of hers since she was going to shop and would leave for the US the next day. We parted ways shortly after. But my dad's smile was from ear to ear that day. He was super proud of me. He couldn't stop telling and re-telling the same story to relatives and friends.
Had that man attacked me, I wouldn't hesitate to fight him back. Otherwise my yellow belt was for nothing. *wink*
click here for more tips to avoid being a pickpocket-victim
~They who meet on an April night are forever lost in love, if there's moonlight all about and no moon above. ~From a song
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I intended to write something else in this entry but some things did not fall as how I expected them to be. So I opted to publish one of the drafts stashed in my blog. This was mailed to me by Ethel, my friend Nieves's niece - both of them are Aries. I am not a believer of astrology, fate, superstition, or any religious stuffs, but I am a lover of the mind, beauty and life per se. So I enjoy what life brings. And some of the descriptions here somehow fit me. And the concept of the illustration is, by the way, irresistible. *wink*
Aries (March 21 — April 20)
Main Function: To get things going.
The first sign of the zodiac is the pioneer, the risk taker, the one to get things started, and the one to try out what has never been tried before. Aries people are spontaneous, impulsive and self-motivated. They don't ask permission, and they tend to move on to something new before most people even realize what they're doing (including themselves). agree!
Aries people are leaders, but they don't necessarily think of themselves that way. They do what interests them, and that frequently takes them to the top. An amazing number of executives and CEO's are Aries people. (oh well, if given the opportunity, suuuure!)
Aries is the infant of the zodiac, in spirit, and as such has a need to be amused and entertained, watched over and cared for. When Aries people have a "parental-type" figure in their lives, they feel safe and secure, and subsequently can amaze you with their creative spark, which is so substantial it often gets huge projects off the ground effortlessly. (i believe so)
Aries is the Warrior, and so can be belligerent and aggressive when crossed. It is unafraid to go for what it wants, and is extremely subjective (aware only of one Self) in its consciousness. As a result, Aries has a reputation for being headstrong, immature, and self-absorbed. (+/-) And it is. But it is also guileless, uncomplicated and innocent in its motivations. (wow, really? got bull's eye here)
If this description doesn't seem to fit you, you may be more strongly influenced by other planetary placements in your chart. Read your rising sign and your Moon sign for more information about yourself.
Symbol: The Ram(with horns, the reason for being stubborn?)
Key Phrase: I AM (ohhh that ego-centric huh?)
Ruling Planet: Mars (hot!!! i mean, it symbolizes heat, hahaha, not so fast!)
Quality: Cardinal (first class?! wow!)
Element: Fire (Creative Spark)(see?)
House: 1 (why not plenty??, haha!)
Season: Beginning of Spring [Getting warmer, New life, buds] (my fave season indeed)
Body part: Head and face (no wonder!)
Most comfortable with: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, and Aquarius - hmmm
Least comfortable with: Cancer, Capricorn, Taurus, and Scorpio - hmmm again
Most attracted to: Libra (i heard this already but i don't completely agree)
Least attracted to: Pisces (how come?)
Ah, this horoscope thing! of course astrology existed already centuries ago. They have studied millions of characters of the human race and could somehow make a wild generalization of people born this time or that time. But I believe that every person is different. So it would be so silly if you make horoscope your life's guide.
You don't have to agree with me. I really don't mind if you do or not. If horoscope has been your guiding star, then go ahead. I'm just speaking my mind out here.
One question, why do you think there are two personalities in the pic? Does that mean that aries people can have more than one personality or those are a boy and a girl? If so, why? (just wondering)
This entry is prompted by a discussion during our last dinner in 2006 - while waiting for the clock to tick 12. We talked about world and local issues.... and some personal ones - *wink* (world news included Saddam's execution and the Netherland's Queen Beatrix Oranje Nassau's Christmas message) I have no plans to react to political issues, but I have ONE word from all these: FREEDOM ....
Saddam tried to exercise complete freedom by opting for dictatorship and eventually ended in the gallows. Beatrix talked about freedom of airing one's opinion which raised the brows of many critics. When I was small I was told that when I go to the university I would have my freedom. True, I was able to manage my own schedule, decide which are my priorities, budget my own money - but! I was still depending on my parents! I knew it wasn't freedom at all. Finishing my degree and earning for the first time seemed freedom too! But the heavy demand in preparing modules and plans for the courses that I taught tied me down for hours and hours at night. I had night life every now and then, but what is total freedom for a single professional? Freedom to choose a spouse, oh well, I had the luxury of that! Now it's a decade later. My Significant Other and I share the same open view regarding freedom in a relationship. Specially that we have lived in Europe for years already, we are more exposed to this kind of freedom that people here claim they have. (If you live in the western world, then you know what I mean) Not that we are considering anything kinky, drastic or whatever but we are broadening our views that anytime, anything can happen as anyone can change. We do grant each other the little freedoms that we both enjoy. For instance, I have the lee way to party with friends, bar-hop by myself or with a friend or two, travel to other cities, and even countries - while he takes care of our girls. On the other hand, the kids and I are left by our own every time he has conferences outside the country - and of course these are business and pleasure trips combined. He has allll his freedom these times. If he squanders along those times, it's his selection and I have not the least qualm about it. Disagree with me, point a gun at me, but that is the truth. I simply know where I stand. I make sure my daughters will also learn what this freedom is all about. *big grin*
Hmmn, freedom. We often hear expressions saying "Your freedom ends where my nose begins", the Bible says "everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial". Presidents of nations chant about it. Heroes die for it. Pyramus and Thisbe, like Romeo and Juliet suffered because they did not have it. Poets and writers sing it. History is full of it.
But what is freedom per se? Why, inspite of our prerogatives, it still remains elusive? Want to exercise the freedom that we know? Sure, go ahead, indulge. Just be sure you are ready for the consequence/s. One thing I am sure of in this less-than-half-a-century-old head of mine: absolute freedom does not exist.
i had been standing for sometime, with a glass of champagne in my hand. half-conscious why i was there, unmindful of the noisy crowd around me. i was jolted back to awareness when i heard his voice again... "miss, can i have this dance?" there he was, he kissed my hand and smiled at me. "ah, sure." i said, placing the glass on the table, trying to clear my throat and my mind out of my semi-trance state. "you speak my language". "of course", he said. "we come from the same place, you know."
i was a dreamer... he, a stranger. and i was sure i have just met him for the first time but i seem to have known him forever. we danced and danced, oblivious of the moments that passed by. minutes became hours. we talked about just anything under the sun. there would be moments we ran out of words... we simply stared at each other's eyes, aware of each other's presence. my hand in his, his other hand at the small of my back. surprisingly my legs and my back would give way... but they didn't. it could be because of him, his presence... or it could be i was just dancing my heart out. i wasn't sure then. all i cared for was that we were together which seemed eternity. as i gazed into his eyes i see oceans of dreams, i see bluer skies, greener grass, livelier music. my mind told me he was far from perfect, and that my circumstances would not permit me to join him in his world but he had brought me this magical daze. i just can't resist. it was like a dream within a dream.
i knew it was getting late and the crowd was getting thinner. then he guided me to where i stood first, gently held my hand, stared into my eyes and said "save the next dance for me, will you?" he planted a soft kiss on my cheek and was gone.
i was on the same spot, again, half-conscious, unmindful of the silence around me. the line he said when he came, the same line was uttered when he left... but this time with the appeal of wanting the next dance with me.... when and where, i still do not know. if it comes, time will tell. i did not even know his name.
pic "music" was taken by eloise, 28 november, zuilen, utrecht, the netherlands
hı my name ıs yuksel ı thınk your face takes ıts beauty from your heart that ıs what ı thınk what feel and what ı belıeve.....
I found this in my inbox in another networking site. An astute comment from a complete stranger. I was stirred by this message because he is right. I know I do not have the best "wrapping" but I am sure I have a golden, happy and confident me inside. And this is what radiates to the outside and he is one of the few keen-minded and perceptive-hearted who could tell the difference.
have a pleasant week everyone.... i'll see you after 2-3 days. i'm gonna miss you. red, gotta wait for the cd, sorry. am juggling with my time here, ugh! imagine a cartoon character being played fast-forward, haha!!!
nothing new for now.... parched and ran out of creative juices and you don't want to hear and see only my recently shopped stuffs. been travelling. the grey weather isn't helping. am not even motivated to take pics. 'though got some from my recent travel up north. will be posting them inflickrshortly. nothing multiply-worth, lol
I was so engrossed with the drop of the temperature which caused my muscles to ache that I ran out of creative writing juices. Thanks to my young friend Phil. He gave me the idea for this entry – a touch of February in gloomy November. lol
If there is one thing I am thankful for in this life is the free will given to us. (sad though because I know too that there are others who do not have such freedom at all) Also free will in dealing with relationship. Yeah right, relationship. And I’m referring to one above the friendship level.
For me, a relationship is founded by two factors namely choice and chance.
1. Choice – here we often go for our ideals*: looks, character, intellect, skills, family, religion, the list could go on, but I would like to add that it is but practical to consider one’s financial capabilities. 2.Chance – I say this comes with an ounce of luck and a dab of destiny. You finally found the ideal person* but the other person doesn’t feel the same or has an ongoing relationship. Poor you. But don’t despair. You could choose to wait. Perhaps after years of promising him/her a beach house in Monte Carlo or the recent relationship ended that this person might, just might turn to you. And voila, you have the relationship of your dreams! Ha-ha!!! Of course I am exaggerating!
[ I actually can’t go on typing without saying something about this *ideal thing which is damned farfetched. Come on get real! That groovy-looking man with that SUV could not actually decide without first asking his mother’s opinion (what a turn-off!!!) or that lovely damsel you’ve been eyeing belches ungracefully loud. Hihihi, be creative, real life stings – but fun too]
Now, now, finding a relationship is one thing. Keeping it is another!
There are flowery ones at the beginning but after a few months only, they are down the drain. And there are some that gradually flourish after loads of effort. And we prefer this. No wonder we love happy endings. But hey, there is not one relationship made in heaven. It is always a combination of ups and downs, a never-ending struggle. Are you looking for happiness? Happiness is relative. There are people who strive to find joy amid their unpleasant circumstances while there are also those who are miserable despite reasonably fine set-ups. Thing is, if you seek happiness in your relationship you both have to work on it. Yeah, it takes a lot of patience, effort, understanding, it's lifetime adjustment. Tiring huh? No wonder divorce is almost an epidemic. Again, we are NOT left with no choice. If you find it worth-fighting for, then put your best foot forward. And if not, then think a hundred times. Do not let your emotions rule. There is a reason why God placed the brain above the heart. It’s a win some, lose some game. One thing sure, either way, you will go through fire, the inner you purified as gold. I don't know if you are willing. But you have to. Here there is no choice, sorry, hahaha!
If you know me personally then you could say that these words do not come from one without conviction.
Hello dear friends and family, I just want to let you know that I reformatted my blog. All pics posted are from my flickr page (special entries excluded) and are personally taken by me (except one or two). Feel free to visit and post comments. Have fun browsing.
Thank you and have a nice day! ... Eloise
addendum: i deleted pictures from my "frivolously mundane" album. most of them could be seen in my flickr site.
how do you see the glass, would you say it's half empty or is it half full? do you see a white sheet of paper with black spots on it or do you see black spots on a white sheet? in this country i call my second home i find my character sharpened in so many angles. one aspect is how i view life on a day to day basis . simply waking up and looking outside could mean the "end" of that day if the weather is gloomy (and it is almost always!) or the beginning of a new day if the sun is brightly shining (when was the last sunny day, eh?)
i incessantly deliberate within me whether to dismay at the grey day or rejoice at the different colors autumn brings (or be continually amazed how the bald trees live for months sans photosynthesis in the winter months) ~whether i have to be tired looking at the homechores that are not done yet or be glad that there are things accomplished... ~whether i would be pissed off when the kids are making some mess in the sitting room or take it as an opportunity to teach them good homemanagement... ~whether i consider a friend's problem a pain in the neck or pain in my heart... ~whether i retort to some petty matters or redirect my energy to something fruitful... ~whether i complain that my marriage is this and that or consider myself blessed with an understanding and responsible spouse... ~whether i would cry because one special thing is over or i would smile because it happened... ~whether i whine and wail for the fine lines under my eyes or be thankful that i'm complete with all my senses and i am still alive....???
it takes courage & effort to see what is good while it is soooo easy to look at the negative side. we are not left with no choice. i am not saying that we should only look at life through rose-colored glasses to be happy or we have to settle into this "sweet-lemoning" thing because we did not get what we really want. but it is the attitude on how we see life that makes the difference. or do you want to stay grumpy and grouchy because life is not fair to you? but as for me i choose to see the brighter side. and i know that it is the better choice.
7 november 2006 - photo "fallen leaves" taken by eloise - groningenstraat, amsterdam
i did not seek you but fate brought our paths together. at so many times and in so many ways you were there to put sunshine in my cloudy days. funny, but it seems that we could understand each other in a very special way - maybe because our life's circumstances are so much similar to each other. you feel my pain, you share my joy. your company gives me more strength to face the coming days. too bad we have to part so soon. i wish we did have more time to cherish together. one thing for sure, i am very, very thankful that i have met you. and if our paths should ever cross again, i would consider it a heavenly gift. wherever you are, i want to tell you that i want you to be happy not only because of the people around you but because you yourself is one special person who deserve to be loved. as long as i can, i am able and you will let me, i will do anything within my means to make you happy. that is all what i want you to be. and last but not the least.
please remember that you will remain, cherished in my heart, for always.
6 october 2006 - picture "benches" taken by eloise - willemvanweldammelaan, amsterdamtober 2006
i can't sleep yet... and it's almost 3 in the morning. i'm actually wearing headphones now... i want the music to be LOUD... but i might disturb others, including the neighbors. i want it louder than what my heart feels, louder than what my mind thinks. my body is dead-tired. nevertheless, slumber is still elusive. so i decided to write. yeah, write again, while listening to leah salonga's we could be in love ... "anyone who's seen us knows what's going on between us, it doesn't take a genius to read between the lines" [ah love, i love the idea of being in love... but that is another story and that could make me sleepless even more.] ahihihi
i was in my girls' school since the morning till classes were over to help with their sports day. it was a quite a rekindling of my "past" life. what i mean is, being in direct interaction with the kids... and in school! i see it as a natural fire within me to push, motivate or challengechildren to achieve what is needed at a given time. in that day's case, competing as a team, competing with ownself.
i love to hold those small hands, look into those innocent eyes, feel their oh-so-simple, sponge-like souls willing to be taught and molded. and, i had to keep repeating the instructions on how the game had to be done. and oh, worse, i had to do it in dutch!!!! haha, don't try to figure out because it was like calling power and energy from mars and the rest of the planets.... (ugh, until now, i still want pluto to remain as a planet, but oh well, pluto is disney's mickey mouse's dog anyway) there were sooo many cute and huggable girls there.... and of course boys too. they smell soooo good that i felt like squeezing them, hehe.... but hey, i didn't! some would just sit on my lap while we watched and cheered for the performing teams. the teacher inside me was awakened! it was a DEJA VU thing!!! i love kids.... even those kids that are seemingly-less lovable. i just do not know why but i enjoy seeing them learn, grow, and like butterflies, metamorphose (wow, what a grand word!) from being a caterpillar to one with wings ready to fly to face the complexities of life.... and i've had contributed to their development.
at the same time i feel a bit sad being not able to practice that here. but what can i do, even before i planted my feet on dutch soil i've surrendered to this fact already. i am thankful i have my two daughters to nourish and nurture emotionally, intellectually, socially, so on and so forth. i'm just so happy i have them. i see myself in them. they do not only look up to me as teacher-mamma but they also consider me their bestfriend and tell me who their crushes are.... shhhh, they would smirk that i wrote this, hehe. but hmn, i'm scared and at the same time excited to see them grow and have wings, ready to fly...
anyway.... that was my busy day. and the loud music has been repeating for half a dozen times already... "and what about the laughter, the happy ever after, like voices of sweet angels calling out our names. and it's not just a wishful thinking or only me who's dreaming - i know what these are symptoms of - we could be in love." ugh, so corny, says a friend, hehe, eh, it's my trip, hahaha!!!
another day is done. i would now try to rest this busy head. i wonder if i could sleep well, and if i could, i wonder what will my dreams be and wonder whoaah... ah, how could this wonder head ever sleep???
3 october 2006 - picture "mirror, mirror" taken by eloise -asingaborg, amsterdam
be right back!!!
